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allthingseurope:

Amalfi Coast, Italy (by leon_1970)
Sep 30, 2014 / 486 notes

allthingseurope:

Amalfi Coast, Italy (by leon_1970)

1. Trauma permanently changes us.

This is the big, scary truth about trauma: there is no such thing as “getting over it.” The five stages of grief model marks universal stages in learning to accept loss, but the reality is in fact much bigger: a major life disruption leaves a new normal in its wake. There is no “back to the old me.” You are different now, full stop.

This is not a wholly negative thing. Healing from trauma can also mean finding new strength and joy. The goal of healing is not a papering-over of changes in an effort to preserve or present things as normal. It is to acknowledge and wear your new life — warts, wisdom, and all — with courage.

2. Presence is always better than distance.

There is a curious illusion that in times of crisis people “need space.” I don’t know where this assumption originated, but in my experience it is almost always false. Trauma is a disfiguring, lonely time even when surrounded in love; to suffer through trauma alone is unbearable. Do not assume others are reaching out, showing up, or covering all the bases.

It is a much lighter burden to say, “Thanks for your love, but please go away,” than to say, “I was hurting and no one cared for me.” If someone says they need space, respect that. Otherwise, err on the side of presence.

3. Healing is seasonal, not linear.

It is true that healing happens with time. But in the recovery wilderness, emotional healing looks less like a line and more like a wobbly figure-8. It’s perfectly common to get stuck in one stage for months, only to jump to another end entirely … only to find yourself back in the same old mud again next year.

Recovery lasts a long, long time. Expect seasons.

4. Surviving trauma takes “firefighters” and “builders.” Very few people are both.

This is a tough one. In times of crisis, we want our family, partner, or dearest friends to be everything for us. But surviving trauma requires at least two types of people: the crisis team — those friends who can drop everything and jump into the fray by your side, and the reconstruction crew — those whose calm, steady care will help nudge you out the door into regaining your footing in the world. In my experience, it is extremely rare for any individual to be both a firefighter and a builder. This is one reason why trauma is a lonely experience. Even if you share suffering with others, no one else will be able to fully walk the road with you the whole way.

A hard lesson of trauma is learning to forgive and love your partner, best friend, or family even when they fail at one of these roles. Conversely, one of the deepest joys is finding both kinds of companions beside you on the journey.

5. Grieving is social, and so is healing.

For as private a pain as trauma is, for all the healing that time and self-work will bring, we are wired for contact. Just as relationships can hurt us most deeply, it is only through relationship that we can be most fully healed.

It’s not easy to know what this looks like — can I trust casual acquaintances with my hurt? If my family is the source of trauma, can they also be the source of healing? How long until this friend walks away? Does communal prayer help or trivialize?

Seeking out shelter in one another requires tremendous courage, but it is a matter of life or paralysis. One way to start is to practice giving shelter to others.

6. Do not offer platitudes or comparisons. Do not, do not, do not.

“I’m so sorry you lost your son, we lost our dog last year … ” “At least it’s not as bad as … ” “You’ll be stronger when this is over.” “God works in all things for good!”

When a loved one is suffering, we want to comfort them. We offer assurances like the ones above when we don’t know what else to say. But from the inside, these often sting as clueless, careless, or just plain false.

Trauma is terrible. What we need in the aftermath is a friend who can swallow her own discomfort and fear, sit beside us, and just let it be terrible for a while.

7. Allow those suffering to tell their own stories.

Of course, someone who has suffered trauma may say, “This made me stronger,” or “I’m lucky it’s only (x) and not (z).” That is their prerogative. There is an enormous gulf between having someone else thrust his unsolicited or misapplied silver linings onto you, and discovering hope for one’s self. The story may ultimately sound very much like “God works in all things for good,” but there will be a galaxy of disfigurement and longing and disorientation in that confession. Give the person struggling through trauma the dignity of discovering and owning for himself where, and if, hope endures.

8. Love shows up in unexpected ways.

This is a mystifying pattern after trauma, particularly for those in broad community: some near-strangers reach out, some close friends fumble to express care. It’s natural for us to weight expressions of love differently: a Hallmark card, while unsatisfying if received from a dear friend, can be deeply touching coming from an old acquaintance.

Ultimately every gesture of love, regardless of the sender, becomes a step along the way to healing. If there are beatitudes for trauma, I’d say the first is, “Blessed are those who give love to anyone in times of hurt, regardless of how recently they’ve talked or awkwardly reconnected or visited cross-country or ignored each other on the metro.” It may not look like what you’d request or expect, but there will be days when surprise love will be the sweetest.

9. Whatever doesn’t kill you …

In 2011, after a publically humiliating year, comedian Conan O’Brien gave students at Dartmouth College the following warning:

"Nietzsche famously said, ‘Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.’ … What he failed to stress is that it almost kills you.”
Odd things show up after a serious loss and creep into every corner of life: insatiable anxiety in places that used to bring you joy, detachment or frustration towards your closest companions, a deep distrust of love or presence or vulnerability.

There will be days when you feel like a quivering, cowardly shell of yourself, when despair yawns as a terrible chasm, when fear paralyzes any chance for pleasure. This is just a fight that has to be won, over and over and over again.

10. … Doesn’t kill you.

Living through trauma may teach you resilience. It may help sustain you and others in times of crisis down the road. It may prompt humility. It may make for deeper seasons of joy. It may even make you stronger.

It also may not.

In the end, the hope of life after trauma is simply that you have life after trauma. The days, in their weird and varied richness, go on. So will you.

Catherine Woodiwiss, “A New Normal: Ten Things I’ve Learned About Trauma”  

geesh this was nice to read

(via arabellesicardi)

(via these--withered--machines)

Sep 30, 2014 / 16,324 notes
Sep 30, 2014

Adding content to a job that was already paid for.

This is gonna be fun. If they would just spend as much time explaining in detail what needs to be done when the job is assigned instead of explaining it all in the editing process. I mean really.

Sep 30, 2014 / 137,752 notes

davvvd:

one does not simply ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ into Mordor

(via regulusblacking)

Sep 30, 2014 / 2,524 notes

fuckyeahawesomehouses:

Portable Wooden House

(via tinyhousedarling)

intensional:

Get out me car
Sep 30, 2014 / 47,370 notes

intensional:

Get out me car

(via karathekraken)

fltnessmotivation:

Use this
Sep 30, 2014 / 350 notes
Sep 30, 2014 / 322,307 notes

crofethr:

denali-winter:

BAM.

I have never hit reblog so fast in my LIFE.

Is this real though

(via karathekraken)

Sep 30, 2014 / 50,284 notes

cemeterydreamscapes:

Watch the trailer for M.I.A.’s controversial unreleased documentary before it’s pulled from the internet again. Reblog the shit out of this.

watching when I’m more awake

(via karathekraken)

Sep 29, 2014 / 33,850 notes

behind-the-musgo:

Frozen cherry

(via thetheorytobeignets)

gastrogirl:

homemade apple cider.
Sep 29, 2014 / 256 notes
Sep 29, 2014 / 77 notes

windy-soul:

Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries

(via missfishersmurdermysteries)

Sep 29, 2014 / 2,919 notes

knowhomo:

 Quintessential Movies from the Lesbian Film Canon You Should Know

  1. But I’m A Cheerleader — camp, gender and sexuality! — this film was the 2000s cult lesbian classic
  2. Better Than Chocolate — 90s film (bit dated) that put camp, lesbianism, indie bookshops, living in your van, and indie women’s soundtracks on the map
  3. Fire — banned in India, focusing on religion, gender roles, family, and the power of communication, this film lit up theatres and television screens with a world view many have never seen before
  4. D.E.B.S. — Angela Robinson’s(writer/director on L Word series, Herbie: Fully Loaded) quirky spy-mock film. FIRST lesbian film to receive a PG-13 rating
  5. Desert Hearts — 1985 film and one of the most famous kisses shared between two women on screen 
  6. I Can’t Think Straight — Jumping between England and Jordan, Muslim and Christian, engagements and family, this comedy serves plenty of drama while still making you smile from ear to ear.
  7. Saving Face — Heartwarming Chinese-American comedy about family traditions and taking time for your own journeys
  8. If These Walls Could Talk 2 — this  HBO film, made up of three episodes (1960s, 1970s, 2000), focuses on three pairs of lesbian relationships. Pull out your tissues for the first, gender and sexual expression for the second, and fall madly in love with Ellen and Sharon in the third.
  9. Bound — tough women, get rich plots, cocky, sexy, and very 90s, Bound is the movie you don’t watch with your parents but do invite all your friends over for
  10. Imagine Me & You — 2005’s ultimate romantic comedy. Luce and Rachel will steal your heart and leave you quoting the movie for days
Sep 29, 2014 / 2,160 notes

knowhomo:

Quintessential Movies from the Trans Film Canon You Should Know

*Please note: All language is taken from press releases/movie information/film write ups. Some language may seem problematic. The films have presented to a mass audience with the descriptions below (coming from covers, sales sites, or verbiage on websites). 
  1. Ma Vie En Rose (My Life in Pink) — story of a young MAAB child and her expression 
  2. Hedwig and the Angry Inch — Transexual punk rocker Hedwig leads us through her life, Eastern Europe, mega-stardom, and love in this rock opera
  3. Boys Don’t Cry — biopic about Brandon Teena and the final days of his life
  4. Beautiful Boxer — biopic story of Nong Thoom (born  Parinya Kiatbusaba), a famous kathoey, Muay Thai fighter, actress and model. 
  5. Soldier’s Girl — biopic about Barry Winchell, his relationship with Calpernia Addams, and the events of his fellow soldiers
  6. Breakfast on Pluto — follows the life of Patrick “Kitten” Braden in the fictional Irish town of  Tyrellin in the 1940s
  7. Orlando — based on V. Woolf’s novel of the same name, this film follow the forever young Orlando through life (an all it’s incarnations)
  8. Transamerica — follows Bree as she travels cross-country with her son 
  9. The Adventures of Sebastian Cole — Sebastian returns to the US to reunite with his father after his sexual reassignment surgery 
  10.  20 centímetros (20 Centimeters)— Spanish film following a woman as she works towards surgery to fix her “20 centimeters of problems”

Sep 29, 2014 / 25,507 notes

tastefullyoffensive:

Mr. Bean Inserted Into Famous Portrait Paintings by Rodney Pike [via]

Previously: Classic Paintings Recreated with Sesame Street Characters

Mr. Bean is so sassy.

(via dedalvs)